for even today

All the folly of the past, though I know it is undone
I still feel the guilty one, still trying to make it right
So I whisper soft Your name, let it roll around my tongue,
knowing You're the only one who knows me
You know me

I can't wait til Monday night gets here.

I think I lost followers on tumblr for writing stuff down. Eehehehehe.

I like breakfast the most ‘cause I get to eat as much as I want and not feel guilty about it. 

I think it’s pretty stupid when girls take pictures of themselves holding someone else’s baby and make it their profile picture. Hello - that’s not your baby. You didn’t bear it for 9 months. It didn’t come out of your vagina. You’re not the one expected to raise it into a respectable citizen of society. You can and should expect people to make comments like “wow is that yours??” and “when’d you get knocked up??” so stop finding it funny/pretend to get insulted. I get that you wanna be photogenic and that babies are cute by default and you want to be admired for the eye-candy-combo you are but wow it’s so annoying stop it just get a dog for crying out loud sheesh. 

My aunt told my mom that her son sprained his ankle by trying to walk like a tortoise. What? Also, the boy’s older sister, aka my aunt’s first-born daughter, is never mentioned anymore because boys are still > girls. I thought we’d be past that in 2013 but no. I have no idea how she’s doing or if her ankles are okay.

Last week went by really slowly. I don’t even remember what I was doing last week. Was I awake at this time?

Let’s play a game called “how many emails can I send to my TA’s friend before I get my research opportunity rescinded?” 

Did you know that for many, but not all, girls - they go through hormonal instabilities and endure a temporary suspension of full mental rationality and emotional control 12 times a year if they’re not taking birth control pills? The notion that guys have 365 days of peace and calm levelheaded processing makes me wanna rip my ovaries out (do you see what I meannn??).

I hate driving with my dad.

The average American is pretty big. Why?

I have to memorize katakana in 3 weeks whereas memorizing hiragana took 5 years of on-and-off conscientiousness. 

I just wanna watch freaks and geeks. 

Is this what they call "pruning"?

I'm sad and confused and I know I have no idea about what's going on right now and I hate it and I can't believe you.

I feel dead but I hope you're happy now?

edit//
WHATTTTTTTT IS GOING ONNNNNNN

edit2//
okay life wins.
I lose.
Jesus take the wheel.

DO NOT LIKE = WILL NOT EAT

^Not my picture (thanks wikipedia) but still grossed bothered. I don't know how Asian food can be Asian food without soy sauce =______= I'm trying to work up my tolerance for pho in increments but just the picture of it literally makes my stomach churn uncomfortably. But I believe that the exposure method will save the world.

Other random happenings from today:

- we were supposed to go visit these 6week old shihtzu puppies today but the woman didn't reply with her address so we have no way of visiting them. They're not old enough to take home but we wanted to see them 2 weeks ahead of time to pick out the one we liked and to get all the necessary things for it. We're also not adopting this time around because that process was too convoluted and too much of a disappointment.

- KAKAO IS AWESOME. But being the possessive hog that I am, I'm not gonna recommend anyone to get it 'cause I'm selfish like that even though having everyone use it would make this app a million times more fun. Props to the Koreans.

- arcade games are great. I may or may not have become addicted to the joys of joystick maneuvers and rapid analog button press fests. The budding nerd in me needs to be reigned in a little bit more, especially that which has a developing taste for all that is pixely and violent in Street Fighter III.

-  I haven't been reading the bible as much, even with all this time. What gives? The last time I read it, I went through 10 chapters of 1 Corinthians and I was reeeeally tired after that, which is probably why I don't feel the most enthusiastic when I think about getting into it again. But just one chapter a day, right? It's all kind of an ironic effect for something that's supposed to be a God-breathed life-giving text.

- I'm running out of paper in my mathnote book but I really don't want to buy another one 'cause I know I'm not gonna finish it. It's a huge dilemma.

- Today someone in my church invited a bunch of us to see him star in Bye Bye Birdie. He used to be the youngest member of my church, who was sorta bullied on by all the guys but now he's not the only one his age and he's really growing up as a little man of Christ. The way he forgave the guys who used to be mean to him, to the extent that he'd invite them to see this performance, really inspires me. My sisters are there and I'm unfortunately not there because I don't understand fixed deferred annuities x__x

- 18:02 pm I HEAR MY DAD TALKING ON THE PHONE WITH THE LADY WHO OWNS THE BABY SHIH TZUS. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

- After this week, I expect the weather to become a little nicer but I like wearing layers so this is also a dilemma.

- Do grad students just not check their emails? Or are they not replying to me because I'm just in undergrad. Hello. My future depends on your response. Please promptly reply back to me or else I'll rage at you (in my head...).

- Filming has also been postponed. I can't do anything to my hair til after that's done @_@

- I REALLY WANT TO GO ON TUMBLR AND WASTE TIME THERE. Instead, I watch Gintama. Speaking of which, the newest episode is based off of the chapter that caught me off guard and made me cry. I felt like the drawings' effects were more powerful than the anime's but it's still a chapter I'll cherish forever. But Gintama's being a troll again and going on an indefinite hiatus, again. But a movie's supposed to be coming out this July so happy early birthday to meeeee.

- 19:30 WE'RE GONNA SEE THE PUPPIES TOMORROW AT 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Greta Garbo died with no children. She might've been a lesbian. Cool.

- The other day I was looking for a website because I didn't bookmark it and was trying to type out the url from memory when I ended up on someone's private blog. I tried to read it but it bored the heck out of me. Now I know what it's like for a stranger (or even some acquaintances) when they come across this blog. Sorry ._. This will be the last time I run through all these thoughts from my day, haha.

to you: nice nice nice
to you: i don't know
to you: that was surprising
to you: thanks
to you: :))

- THERE'S AN AURORA OUTSIDE BUT THE DUMB CLOUDS ARE IN THE WAY

- Getting a broadway songs pandora station was one of the best ideas I've ever had.

- I've actually been extremely productive today. I'm almost halfway through this math review stuff. If I finish all of it then I will shamelessly spoil myself with movies and tv shows and greek yogurt ice cream.

I want to say that nobody really knows me

but in the moment, when we talk, there are things I don't bring up because they just aren't important enough (to you) to bring up.

When I'm alone, all I think about are the things I've yet to say but it's worth questioning if they even had value in the first place.

Because even if I say it, you'll immediately forget what you've just heard or what you've just read.

Here is my apology for having you read this. But take comfort in knowing that wasting your time here won't have any consequence on your everyday life because these words don't mean a thing.

---

I really want to know where all these thoughts are coming from soo, I think it's time to start fasting 'cause all I see and feel and read about is deteriorating mental health/stability and dilapidation and not enough happy fun-fun-fun-looking-forward-to-the-weekend going on.

#bawling

“Stop comparing where you’re at with where everyone else is. It doesn’t move you farther ahead, improve your situation, or help you find peace. It just feeds your shame, fuels your feelings of inadequacy, and ultimately, it keeps you stuck. The reality is that there is no one correct path in life. Everyone has their own unique journey. A path that’s right for someone else won’t necessarily be a path that’s right for you. And that’s okay. Your journey isn’t right or wrong, or good or bad. It’s just different. Your life isn’t mean to look like anyone else’s because you aren’t like anyone else. You’re a person all your own with a unique set of goals, obstacles, dreams, and needs. So stop comparing, and start living. You may not have ended up where you intended to go. But trust, for once, that you have ended up where you needed to be. Trust that you are in the right place at the right time. Trust that your life is enough. Trust that you are enough.”

—	Daniell Koepke

The Wisdom of God

The message of the cross is foolish to those who are headed for destruction! But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God. As the Scriptures say,

“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise and discard the intelligence of the intelligent."

So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars, and the world’s brilliant debaters? God has made the wisdom of this world look foolish. Since God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never know him through human wisdom, he has used our foolish preaching to save those who believe.

It is foolish to the Jews, who ask for signs from heaven. And it is foolish to the Greeks, who seek human wisdom. So when we preach that Christ was crucified, the Jews are offended and the Gentiles say it’s all nonsense. But to those called by God to salvation, both Jews and Gentiles, Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God.

This foolish plan of God is wiser than the wisest of human plans, and God’s weakness is stronger than the greatest of human strength.

Remember, dear brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world’s eyes or powerful or wealthy when God called you. Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important. As a result, no one can ever boast in the presence of God.

1 Corinthians 1:18-29

Laaaame.

I don't know how to depend on people!
I don't really know what to do when I'm lonely either, haha.
But I know that I like people
and that I need people around me
and I like it when they like me, too.

But I'm scared.

I am a child who is often reprimanded for wanting or feeling like I deserve anything and building up my own walls is a habit I've got to break

butnoonewantstotalktomesowhatdoido