cohesion vs adhesion

what if you liked someone but before making it official, the other person died? you get invited to the funeral. do you go? you go and you see the parents. do you say anything? let's say you journal. what do you write 3 hours after hearing the news? 3 days after hearing the news? 3 months? 3 years? people in the mean time, who know you liked that person, ask you how you're feeling. can you even feel? do you want to keep feeling? do you want to stop feeling? 3 years pass. do you still think about that person? do you have hope? do you live and walk the streets thinking that the smiling laughing faces to appear around the corner are ugly or do you find them beautiful? flash back to the night you hear the news. you're brushing your teeth and looking at your face in the mirror. it's the face everyone else sees. are your eyes alive? can you see your peripherals? your eyes can't focus on anything; there's no need for peripherals. you lie in bed. your hands are folded. it's time to pray. what do you say? you sleep. you dream against your best intentions. and then you wake up again.

i'm not sure if i regret that. i'm not sure i'm not sure i'm not sure.