this is why you need to mean to the things you say

I mean, I guess it's fine if I'm alone?

Remove qualifiers:

It's fine if I'm alone.

^Not true.

I was about to tell a friend that I wasn't feeling too great, but then those words alone didn't feel accurate enough so I continued to add "pessimistic" and "self deprecating" but that last one seems a bit too strong...

In the pursuit of accuracy, I dug holes too deep with my language. Three minutes ago, I wasn't feeling quite this bad.

But I don't think I have anyone to tell this to. In any case, no humans.

And the very thing I want to talk about is just how it feels like there's nobody there.

Actually, that's not true. This is the feeling I get when I see people pull away from me. Is it just in my head?

I want to use my energy to say hi to as many people as possible, but when I stop doing anything, who's going to be there?

Doesn't make sense to be in a relationship if I don't do anything, so I'm not planning on that. Relationships don't happen if we don't happen.

They just seem really........... futile and fragile. Like, a risk to invest in (and already I can hear some idiot say "we all need to take risks").

This is one of those moments where I think about the " we do our own believing and dying alone " and focus on the alone part first, and then the dying.