Who am I becoming?

I don't exactly know for sure.

Things that should satisfy me are not. I keep noticing how they're lacking. Not quite of the quality I need.

So much can happen, so I'm gonna go out and do something about it, starting with the nursing home.

Like thank you for that bit that sustains me. I'm gonna need nourishment again but I don't want to be needy. It'd be easier if you didn't need to care about me. Who would want to feed the mouth of the insatiable and picky?

Ha ha. where are these thoughts coming from? period will probably happen soon.

said this to a friend, but it's true that in my experience, my mom bothered me with "did you eat yet?" everyday. but as I've come to understand that as her way of loving me, I find myself asking that to people too.

another friend made a profound point: would you ever tell me I'm fat to my face? no? then don't do it to yourself either!

I would never tell anyone they're undeserving of love, so why am I believing the very opposite of what I want to give me hope? Is it truly because I think the cry of my sin-saturated heart is stronger than the glory of God?

I wonder just how strong I am. Better some hours than others. If I think about loneliness and isolation too much, then I'll begin to apply that to myself too.

I'm not pitiable. I have too much time and spare energy on my hands. It's time to do something uncomfortable.

I still carry a lot of burdens from my last relationship, but I don't think I'm the same person anymore and I'm not sure when this happened. Not sure if I exactly like this version of me and I'm kind of concerned if other people like me anymore too.

Promises aren't so easy to keep.