I am genuine.

I think I'm disappointing the wrong audience
this isn't supposed to hurt at all
but I feel like I'm less than before
all the rotten heartless cold people I read about are no better than me, apparently
there's no excuse
this is unhealthy but I've been indulgent

people are going to criticize me for having guy friends

girls don't like it but i don't get why making friends with them is so difficult

guys don't like it because they just assume i'm a manipulative conniving vixen 

do i deserve to be lonely?

is this why monks have retreats on mountains and leave their families and past worlds behind?

is God really supposed to fill up a space this vast?

repenting is turning around and walking in the other direction

it's just turning around

it's not taking any more steps toward sin

it's hating sin so much that i can't bear to look at it in the face anymore

"if the conditions were right, i'd be capable of genocide and rape." 

everything's finally calm down

i'm ruminating within my fence.

there is no dignity left. 

what do i deserve?