Not this kind of thin!

I'm being spread thin. but I did lose 3 pounds since last week @_@

I've sent out a bunch of texts, emails, and messages but haven't gotten replies yet and I still need to write more.

I'll probably get some responses tomorrow but it's such an odd feeling - sending bits of myself virtually out into the void and feeling a very real and very physical vacancy in my heart remain.

But this topic of chastity and understanding myself as a soul free in Christ and simultaneously bound to be obedient to him is intriguing and new. I don't just mean abstaining from romantic pursuits but abstaining from depending on any validation or acknowledgment from my friends. Never before have I been so happy in my singleness, so lonely in my solitude, and so fearful of my future and filling up my heart with anything but Jesus's peace and presence. I don't need a boy to point me to Jesus or to help me learn more about His character - the journey there is the fun! But I feel my flesh is longing and it needs to be rebuked because that sort of indulgence is no longer for me in this season of life. An arm wrapped around my waist while I sleep facing the wall isn't supposed to feel that good. I want to continue being stitched back together by God the surgeon. My heart wants to abide in only His heart. I need to find the satisfaction only Jesus can give when He asks me to remember that He's already read all my words and all my thoughts and that He'll respond in His time because He put Himself on the cross to save me from a live of not knowing Him.

This body has so many things wrong with it and now I know what A means when he talks about about fighting between the Spirit and these sinful desires. That's not abstract at all for those who consciously need to repent everyday. It sucks caring about my earthly life this much.