Someone once told me to forgive others even if they don't know what grievances they've caused.

to that I wanted to say:

wtf would I or anybody else wanna do that?

the reason is because I've already been shown this kind of grace for the things that I've done and the things I continue to do all while thinking I'm not doing anything wrong and thinking that I'm still in the right with Him (see parable about the king and his servant's debt). and this is talking about a guy who loathes the existence of sin in any unassumingly innocent form.

But that doesn't make not demanding for an apology that much easier...

...until I think about how much pride I'm harboring and how much I feel like I deserve. you and I are no different in this regard. and in the end, I know I want to forgive, no matter the cost, because being right isn't worth being lonely.

it's weird thinking about how much power a word like "sorry" can have. in the end, it has no power at all but the power I assign it. what's playing a bigger role is my heart and the selfish satisfaction it gets from hearing that you know you were wrong. God loves me when I'm wrong even though that must be monstrously difficult for Him to do but I make it a little easier for Him when I can see how I've fallen short. I also make it easier for myself to love me when I can say that I'm wrong and get over it and still feel loved in the end.

this was a great learning experience.