What love is this?

The true platonic kind of love for a brother in Christ I had feelings for?

I don't think my feelings are any less intense than they were from before, but it's all a different kind now.

My heart broke listening to his story and seeing him embrace life and enjoying the growth of others despite his shortcomings. Wow. I want to be like that - no wonder I've been vying for his acknowledgement! He overcame so much and he cast such humility in his testimony that I couldn't help but pay attention to God's grace and hand at work.

Some part of me today became ready to see me living a life without him in that way. It's like we'll always keep circling around each other but I'm destined to never get past him keeping me a metaphorical arm's distance away at all times. And it was almost like the full extent of his awareness was made known to me too because it's not everyday that I meet somebody who sees, and therefore knows, as much as me. He wasn't living life with lids over his eyes, even though he still struggles to see the redeeming and overwhelming love of God permeate even his current situation. Ignorant and happy people are nothing to be jealous of. But the ones who see and hear and feel everything but remain happy are the ones I want to be like.

There was so much humanity. so much encouragement. so much abounding and saving grace. Thank GOD for the times He pushes. And I thank Him all the more for being able to push me gently. What a perfect father! I think that's my favorite way to look at God/Jesus/the Holy Spirit - as a father.

"You have captivated My heart, My sister, My Bride - you have captivated My heart with one glance of your eyes, one sparkle of your necklace." Song of Solomon 4:9

I just have to look at Him and God is enthralled. That never happens with others, but wow - I am the bride of Jesus that He died to save.

Someone's definitely been praying for me. I know a lot of people have been and it's not always in front of me so I can never be sure of what's happening beyond the reach of my sight, but I know someone's been praying for me as an intercessor. To have compassion means to suffer alongside another and this partially explains why I feel like I've moved up another level of merely feeling. Others' sadness has become easier to feel, as well as the confusion and the hopelessness and the anger - but so has the happiness and the hope and the optimism. Now it's just a matter of figuring out what I can do with all that I know (this also just happens to be the minimum requirement I need to one day become a clinical psychologist ._.)